So, a quick overview of my career before joining up with Liverpool. Started off by taking over Ireland from Martin O’Neill with the aim of turning Ireland into a quality side. We’ve had a poor generation and had to make of what we have. We had some good results and a couple bad but we end up into the playoffs behind Austria. We end up beating Romania 3-1 on aggregate and advance to the World Cup. We have some more up and down results in the warm up friendlies so we get into the World Cup with a favourable draw. DR Congo, South Korea and Belguim. Looks like we have a chance.
So we start the campaign with a comfortable 2-0 win over the Congo. We made a couple changes for Korea, Christie for Coleman, McCarthy for Cullen, Horgan for Walters. It was a back and forward game that ended with tragedy as Ta-Hee scores a last minute winner. The only saving grace was that DR Congo somehow beat Belgium 2-1. We scraped by the group with a draw against Belgium. We got Uruguay in the knockouts, scraped by and then lost on penalties. Gutting. It was a decent showing. We did alright in the Nations League, didn’t lose once but we came second. Doesn’t matter.
Now, I’ve been approached by a couple clubs. I think Fiorentina and Newcastle and I rejected them but Liverpool came calling. I saw that they were in 12th and it actually interested me AND I was sick of holidaying through the game so I accepted it. I see why they’re where they are. Coutinho, Firmino, Origi. Gone. They have a couple people in with Ben Davies, Lucas Biglia, Bernard and Solomon Rondon!? Decent signings but none to take Liverpool to the next level. And we had a game the day I signed the contract. Not the greatest time to have a game but still
Absoultely amazing game but there is definitely some changes to be made. We needed a CB because Matip was off with Cameroon and Sakho is injured. Another CM and a lad that is on another level to the players we have. So on the last day, we bring in Shane Duffy, captain of the Ireland side and a solid rotation offer. Henri Saivet is another rotation option and is decent for only £1.6m. And we bring in an out of favour Christian Pulisic for £41m. Decent enough I thought.
We advance against Stoke and then this match happened.
Absolutely ridiculous game that showed the teams bottle and I tweaked the side justly. So we go on to win our next 6 games on the bounce and in that time a couple things happen. Can was moaning about going to a Champions League side and his form wasn’t great either. I told him he could leave if our valuation was met but he was dropped. This was after he was sent off against Leicester. Lucas Leiva was another moaner about not getting enough games but he’s not good enough so again I don’t care. Lovren, Tete and Sturridge was also complaining and I was sick of it. I was planning a gutting of the squad in the Summer.
A mad game versus Man City, 3-3, another good result followed with a win at Derby but then became a spell of doom. Losing to United kicked it off followed by a 4-0 defeat to Everton in the Semi Final of the FA Cup, a draw against Norwich but we end the season with a 4-3 over West Brom. But I’m still livid with the squad and we fall out of the Europa League places and into 8th. It’s still an improvement but an overall disappointment.
So transfer before the pre-season. Had some ideas of who I wanted to replace and then get an absolute superstar in. But then I remembered, no one’s going to want to join little 8th placed Liverpool. And then I realised. Shit. People are going to want to leave then. First, we get rid of Danny Ward for a few million but then Nathaniel Clyne came to me and asked to leave. I was absolutely gutted. Sold him off to City for £37m going to £47m. Still, I can’t get anyone better. And then next was Ben Davies. This was like The Purge of my fullbacks. He wants to go off to his ‘favourite club’ Arsenal. Alright mate, piss off. Dejan Lovren hopped off to new money men Stade Rennais and then Can went back to Leverkusen. Not what I really wanted.
For the ins, we got a few youngsters first but most notably this lad Vidal from Man City. So for the proper signings, we brought in Mario Lemina for a cheap fee with some great stats. Got in Johnny from Arsenal for about £14m to replace Cylne. Also brought in Tielemens for £20m. It’s decent but not what I really wanted.
We have a good set of friendlies where we perform really well. Vidal started in goal and put in some decent performances. Youri really impressed as well as young Ben Woodburn and regen Roland Kiss. It looked like we were ready for the season and the first game against Burnley seemed to put us on the right track. But then we lost to Watford and then Newcastle and then Forest in the cup and I was ready to murder these people. It comes to the day before the deadline and we do well against Arsenal but capitulate near the end and lose 3-2.
RB Leipzig comes in for Luciano Vietto for £25m and he hasn’t done too well so he was shipped off. Woodburn didn’t impress in the league so he was loaned off to Borough and Rondon was finally gotten rid of. So it was now a scramble to get a striker in. I was looking at Zivkovic, Bakambu and even throwing all my money at Lewandowski. None of it came through and I ended up with Haris Seferovic. I also got in Luis Henrique from Shaktar but his work permit didn’t come through. So he had to be loaned off to Saint Ettiene. I also brought Jordan Ferri for a couple mill to end off a decent transfer window. It was a good deal until I realised he couldn’t be registered.
So using the new formation and we got up against Man City and come out with a draw. Then we take 3 points away form Tottenham to kick start a good run of 8 games unbeaten. We lose 2-0 to Sunderland but we kicked on by beating the Saints and then a 5-1 destruction of league leaders Chelsea with a Seferovic hat-trick. Another couple wins before meeting Man United on Boxing Day. Now look at this squad, this is ridiculous. I mean look at Icardi, this isn’t even fair. We lose 4-1 and this starts a spiral into my main problem. Afterwards, Sturridge, Mignolet and Kenny Tete all ask to move on as they feel this chapter of their career is over. I really couldn’t care less but it’s more people to need replacing. None of them were particularly good.
We lose 1-0 to Bournemouth but beat Watford but the morale keeps dropping. The fans who haven’t really appreciated me since the start begin to come after me, the press start asking questions and the board confidence is dropping. Maybe I deserve it because we’ve been in 8th for a couple months but it’s more consistent than the team has been in years. Look at the clubs finishes. Not only are we a transitioning side but we’re only like 5 points off the top 4. I don’t deserve this for fuck sake. Look at the club finances you daft cunt, I’m a miracle worker with the shit I’m doing.
Anyways, we enter January with a loss in our first FA Cup match against Villa followed by a loss to Newcastle again. Mignolet heads off to Crystal Palace on loan with an option to buy followed with Tete off to Benfica. But the club come up to me and say that I haven’t done a good enough job. A bit annoying considering me thinking I’m doing okay all things considered. But then they hit me with a ‘Get 10 points in the next five games or else you’re sacked. I’m not happy with this and ask them to tone it down a bit but they’re not having it and put their foot down. The worst thing is that we have Arsenal, City and Spurs in these games. For fuck sakes.
We head right into the City game with no real hope even though we were at home. With the way we were playing it didn’t matter because we recently lost to Championship Villa. But we came out 2-1 winners with Sturridge scoring against his old club in what would be his last game for Liverpool because he’s gone out on loan to Malaga with the option to buy for £15m. We go over to Spurs and get properly dicked around. A solid 2-0 battering and I was really needing a draw. Because I knew we wouldn’t beat Arsenal because what a team they have and we’ll probably fuck up against one of the smaller teams. But after we get in young Anderson the Brazilian for £20m to come in as a Sturridge replacement. Kind of. He’s fucking class though.
Going in against Palace, there was a feeling of dread but we ended up 3-2 winners after Anderson scored on his debut, Ferri got his first goal and Lemina scored his regular banger. We head up to Norwich and secure a basic 2-0 win but it could have been 6 0r 7. Tragedy hits though with Karius getting injured for the next couple weeks and now I can’t replace Mignolet. Vidal has to start. It’s going well and I just need that one point off Arsenal. But their players. Dybala. Sanchez. Sergio Ramos. And even the net spend is top quality.
So I walk out onto the pitch as Liverpool manager, potentially for the last time. The tension in the stadium is unbelievable. Everyone knows what happens if I lose. 23rd minute and we’ve got a corner. Instantly cleared and they hit us on the counter. Dybala sprints ahead, switches to the Ox who switches to Alexis before leaving it to Xhaka who scores with a pathetic shot that was poorly dealt with by Vidal. Poor. 2 minutes later Arsenal play it around their box but it falls to Lemina who thundercunts it into the top corner. Love the lad. But we move to the 35th minute where they lazily pass it around our box, we put on no pressure but it falls to Alexis it who CurlyWurlies it into the top corner. Unstoppable. Bellerin then steals the ball off Moreno a few minutes later who whips it in. Vidal dives for it. Misses and then headed in by Sanchez. This is really hurting now. Half time, we switch to counter and I’m praying for a miracle. 57th minute and the ball is booted into the middle. Biglia jumps for it and then bounces off his arm. Second yellow and he’s off. My captain’s gone now and all hope is lost. Really harsh from the ref. That cunt Clattenburg who should be off in Saudi Arabia throwing gays off buildings. They play through are defense before crossing to Dybala and it’s 4-1. Oh no. Anderson and Tielemans on. We’re going much more direct. Let’s try and get some respect back. Anderson ends up to be fouled in the box and Tielemans steps up. His only other goal was a penalty against Arsenal. And he extends his record against them. Another counter from a corner in the 80th minute leads to an unstoppable goal from Reiss Nelson. 5-2. All over, pack up. But in the 85th, Lemina gets the ball from deep, plays it up and sprints with it before ending up in the box and finishing it off into the bottom corner. 5-3. The belief is there, can we do it? Arsenal free kick as the clock turns to 90:00. Blasted it to Anderson’s face, he sprints with before getting it taken off by Dragovic. Takes it off him again, repeat until Anderson finally gets away from big Alexander and buries it. 5-4. Come on lads! But the board comes out with 2 minutes. You having a laugh? A red card, an injury, and goals and only 2 minutes? Fuck off. We put on the pressure but time runs out. We lose 5-4. Highlights
The boys are devastated. I let them know it doesn’t matter what the results was, the performance was amazing. I was thinking, maybe the board will appreciate that. Maybe they’ll see the collective effort from the team.
Of course, they fucking don’t and they sack me without even calling me into their office to say it to my face that fucking cunts. I never liked the new board that took over but they are some slimy bastards. I let them know what I thought about them, the club and the fans in this ‘Exclusive Interview below:
My dreams of building a dynasty with Liverpool are dashed and I will just have to set my sights on doing the best I can with the Republic of Ireland and my new club Celta Vigo. Hopefully it’s all brighter in the future.